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Anabaptist Disabilities Network
3145 Benham Avenue, Suite 5
Elkhart, IN 46517
Phone: 574-343-1362
Ph/Fax: 877-214-9838

Setting Boundaries

Setting healthy boundaries enables us to persist in sharing Christ's love through difficult circumstances. Congregations that are able to set healthy boundaries are able to welcome people with mental illness or other disabilities without fearing that needy people will overwhelm their caring capacities.

Including "Difficult" People
The February 2011 issue of ADNotes, by Lora Carter Nafziger and Christine Guth, offers suggestions for cultivating compassionate respect, setting boundaries, and responding thoughtfully to foster inclusion and discover the gifts in people we might have labeled "difficult."

An introduction to setting boundaries appeared in the November 2008 issue of ADNotes .

Healthy Boundaries in the Body of Christ, by Christine Guth, is the unabridged original 3-page article  from which the November 2008 issue of ADNotes is drawn.

...If I am unable to set boundaries for myself, boundaries you supply can benefit me when they allow our relationship to survive and grow. To read more... 

Stories about Setting Boundaries, by Christine Guth

  • "Fences and Neighbors"
    This past winter Sylvia watched her next-door neighbors set up a portable basketball hoop on their driveway. The hoop provided great entertainment and pleasurable physical activity for the two neighbor children and their friends. This was fine with Sylvia as long as the ground was frozen and covered with snow. As the snow began to melt, she could foresee problems. To read more...
  • "When Boundaries Create Space for Healing"
    ...Jeff's boundaries enabled him to remain fully present to Robert while Robert was working through intense emotion and to renew his own energies between sessions. More than that, Jeff's boundaries were also good for Robert. They created space for a caring relationship marked by safety, persistence, and resilience. They facilitated his functioning in the rest of life. They allowed him to stay focused on the healing work he needed to do, which eventually contributed to a new sense of self-confidence. To read more...
  • "Ouch! When Boundaries Hurt"
    Like many families who live with disability, Laura's has weathered times that taxed the coping abilities of every family member. During the height of one period of intense stress, Laura went to her pastor for help. Her pastor offered help, but in the process set boundaries on the help he offered--boundaries that Laura found hurtful. Yet from the experience, Laura learned a great deal. What can we learn from her story? To read more...
  Books for Setting Boundaries  

Melody Beattie. Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself. San Francisco: Harper & Row, 1987.

Verna Birkey. Women Connecting with Women: Equipping Women for Friend-to-Friend Support and Mentoring. Enumclaw, Wash.: Winepress Publishing, 1998. Written from a perspective; contains two chapters on boundaries.

Henry Cloud and John Townsend. Boundaries: When to Say Yes and How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life. Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1992. These authors maintain a website with many articles about boundaries written from a Christian perspective.

Henry Cloud and John Townsend. Boundaries with Kids. Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1998.

Kathleen Greider. Much Madness is Divinest Sense: Wisdom in Memoirs of Soul Suffering. Cleveland: Pilgrim Press, 2007. Contains a section on boundaries.

Veronica Ray. Setting Boundaries, Center City, Minn.: Hazelden, 1989. Pocket-sized booklet with short daily reflections.

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